Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
