fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
