Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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