i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
