Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
