omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
