I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
