You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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