Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
