she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome