Who did Billy Mays play for?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
