Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
