Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
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I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means