Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
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I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.