I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She's allergic to latex.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.