New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
