got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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