Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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