I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
