Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
