Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
