So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
