I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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