You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
