I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
