And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
