So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize