Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
