Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
