so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
