Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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