There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
