This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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