I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize