My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Did I show you my penis last night?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
