I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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