Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
