why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
