Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
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Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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