haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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