Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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