i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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