She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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