She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
