dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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