Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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