im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
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What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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