did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
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One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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