...so i touched it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
