my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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