I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
