drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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