Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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