I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
