i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
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he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
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All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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