it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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