I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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