If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
