Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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