i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
