and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
