How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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