it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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