This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's blow job season.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
