I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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