Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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