so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
