i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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