i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
