also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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